Shoot the Tubes
by Nail Strafer
Summary: Star Fox is no more, having been put out of business after Star Wolf defeated the Anglars. However, Fox and Falco still need to make ends meet, so they take a job cleaning Corneria City's sewers. With gunships. And miniguns. Needless to say, Assorted Sewer Solutions is not your average pest control company. My entry for Sheppard Studio's second one-shot contest.
1. Chapter 1

A\N: I know this fic is supposed to be a one-shot for the purposes of Sheppard's contest, but I think 15K words is too long for one chapter. I've decided to split the story into two chapters for easier reading. The second one should be out a few days after this first one. Hope you enjoy my first try at a humor fic.

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"Can't believe you talked me into this Fox," Falco grumbled, as they stepped into the mucky elevator.

"It's this, or we're homeless at the end of the month."

Black grime covered almost every surface in the metallic compartment, giving it a burnt diesel-like smell. Fox wrinkled his nose as he stepped in after Falco, pushing the appropriate floor's button. With a lurch, the elevator descended downwards, the noise of the motor echoing through the cabin. One of the light bulbs in the ceiling flickered on and off. Unusual for them, both he and Falco wore button-down dress shirts, ties, and slacks. Fox never imagined they'd be doing this, but the two of them were on their way to a _job interview_ of all things.

"I don't get this," Falco muttered behind Fox. "This place is called Assorted Sewer Solutions. As in they clean sewers. Why do they need pilots?"

Fox shrugged. "Guess we're about to find out." The employment agency mentioned this place needed pilots right away…for some reason.

Fox was ready to take just about _any_ job at this point. After Star Wolf destroyed the Anglars a few years back, mercenary work in Lylat dried up. On top of that, Star Wolf used their new fame to get all the best remaining jobs, leaving Star Fox and the rest of the PMCs to fight for scraps. Eventually, Star Fox went bankrupt and Fox had to sell off everything. Surprisingly, Falco stuck with him, so they could share living expenses and save money. Right now they lived in a crappy studio apartment in Corneria City with no jobs. They missed paying rent the last two months. One more month and they'd be evicted.

Fox realized the elevator had been going down for two minutes now. How deep underground were they going? Also, the further down they went, the more a new stench began to fill the cabin. _Pretty sure that's poo gas. Corneria City's entire stock of it._

The elevator reached bottom. As the doors grinded open, the smell intensified tenfold. Both Fox and Falco gagged, closing their eyes and clenching their nostrils. The stench washed over them like a wave, the air physically pushing them back. This even topped 'nasty truck stop bathroom on a hot summer's noon' bad here. Fox wanted leave right there, but then reminded himself: _You need the money. You need the money._ He repeated it in his head like a chant.

Holding his nose, Fox stepped out of the elevator into a reception area. Or rather, it looked like a sewer maintenance room converted into a reception area. Pipes and ducts ran across the concrete walls and ceiling. Half the fluorescent lights above didn't work. A front desk cut the room in half, with no one manning it right now. An old beige computer sat on the front desk, covered with fingerprints and stains. Its old CRT monitor displayed nothing but a black screen with green text. In the corner, a potted plant lay shriveled in its container, dead leaves covering the floor around it.

"I don't think we should be here…" Falco whispered, as he looked around the room. "Feels like we're walking into a horror movie."

Fox didn't get good vibes from this place either. It was so dirty it almost looked abandoned. What kind of people worked here? Did Fox want to meet any of them? The vulpine spotted a button on the front desk, with a sign next to it saying 'Push for assistance.'

"Here goes…" Fox pushed the button, a slight buzzing sound echoing in the room.

A speaker in the corner of the room crackled on. "Whaddaya want?! I'm busy here!"

The voice sounded nasally and unpleasant. Fox's ears curled backwards slightly at the sound of it.

"We're here about a job interview?" he reluctantly replied.

The voice's tone did a one eighty, now sounding friendly and warm. "Oh, you're Fox and Falco right? The Star Fox guys?"

"Yeah, that's us." Fox felt relieved at being recognized.

"I apologize for having no one up front. We're a bit…short-staffed today. Anyway…just walk behind the desk, and go into the hall. I'm the first door on the left.

Spotting a flap in the front desk, Fox lifted it up. They walked towards the dark concrete hall in the back as directed. The entire time, the sewer stench assaulted Fox's nostrils. How was he going to get used to breathing this for forty hours a week, assuming they got hired? Fox and Falco stopped at the first door on the left as indicated, 'Robert Stenchler – CEO' in gold lettering was written on it.

Fox put his hand on the knob. "You ready?" he whispered.

"As good as I ever will be," Falco didn't look confident, with his feet shifting as he adjusted his tie.

Fox sighed, as he pushed the door open. Like the reception room, the office looked like it used to be a maintenance room, with more concrete walls adorned with pipes and ducts. Various papers, files, and books lay stacked in a haphazard manner on almost every surface. A massive wooden desk dominated the back of the room, filled to the brim with more documents. Reams of stringy printer paper flowed out of a desktop calculator situated on the desk. Beyond that, Fox noticed a black and white facial portrait of a fat opossum dressed in a business suit. Stenchler's name shone on a brass plate on the frame. So that was their boss? Fox didn't see the man himself anywhere though.

"Hello? Mr. Stenchler?" Fox called out.

Stenchler's popped out from behind the papers on the desk, looking even worse than the photo. He wore a white shirt and tie, but Fox spotted yellow sweat stains in the armpits. Somehow, the vulpine felt like he'd seen Stenchler somewhere before. Like maybe he'd seen his picture in the newspaper, for some reason. Why did he seem so familiar?

Stenchler seemed pretty happy to see them in any case, beaming them a large smile. However, the opossum's sharp teeth gave the impression of a smiling crocodile. "Oh gentlemen! Gentlemen! So nice to see you! Please have a seat!" Stenchler waved towards two worn-out leather chairs in front of his desk, covered with numerous holes where the padding spilled out.

"Thank you." Fox forced a smile as he and Falco sat down.

"So… I'm real surprised you're here." Stenchler started moving papers away from the center of his desk to get a better look at the two of them.

"Yeah…I didn't expect this either." That was about as politely as Fox could put it.

After finishing his cleaning, Stenchler plopped back down, his chair squeaking under his weight. "I'm presuming you boys are wondering why I need pilots down here in the sewers, yes?"

Fox's eyebrows rose up.

"Actually yeah…" Fox and Falco said simultaneously. They glanced at each other, before sharing a chuckle.

"To make a long story short," Stenchler rubbed his palms together. "Corneria City may look squeaky clean and utopian up above us, but that comes at a price. We've got big problems down here."

"Like what?"

"Sewers attract vermin. Like spiders, scorpions… brain-eating fireflies and-"

"Whoa!" Falco held up a hand. "Did you just say brain-eating fireflies?"

"Oh no, just joking." Stenchler laughed, although he sounded nervous. Recovering, he continued. "But anyway, Corneria City flushes nasty chemicals and waste down here every day." The opossum picked up a pencil off his desk and started playing with it in his hands. "Before long…badda bing badda boom…we've got our own manmade ecosystem down here."

"So what does this have to do with flying?" Fox asked.

"Well, we're a pest exterminator company. We fly ships called Sewer Sharks through the sewers, and we use them to spray repellant."

"The sewers down here are big enough to fly in?" Fox's eyes widened.

"Oh yeah," Stenchler chuckled. "Corneria City's got fifty million people, so it's gotta have a sewer system big enough to…handle the population's needs, to put it politely. You wanna try covering all that on foot?"

"Uh…yeah, definitely no," Fox grimaced, imagining being knee deep in sewer muck carrying a spray bottle and wand on his back.

"We started with drones, but we could never get them to work right. They always broke down or had trouble with volume. That's why we need real pilots now. I think this job'll be a piece of cake for you two after saving Lylat over and over again." Stenchler chuckled. He pulled some paperwork out from behind the desk and shoved it towards them. "What do you think? We can get you flying today if you want to start making some money now."

Fox's eyes widened. He'd just give them jobs? Right now? Fox thought it sounded too good to be true…but then reminded himself they'd be cleaning sewers. Maybe Stenchler was eager because he had a hard time getting people to take these jobs. It did sound disgusting, but Fox kind of wanted to take the job just to see if everything Stenchler said was true. Plus he missed getting to fly ever since he'd sold off the Great Fox II and the Arwings. Yeah, he supposed these Sewer Sharks wouldn't be the same, but they did need the money something awful right now, so…

"All right," Fox smiled, accepting the papers and a pen. "I'll do it."

Stenchler laughed, drumming a hand on his desk. "That's the spirit! How about you, Falco?" The opossum turned to the avian.

Falco narrowed his eyes, stroking his chin. "I don't know… I'm not a real big fan of bugs, especially after the Aparoid Invasion days."

"Oh come on, the bugs down here are tiny compared to those things," Stenchler laughed.

"And besides Falco," Fox talked as he filled in the paperwork. "Rent's through the roof in Corneria City. We can't keep our apartment on just one salary. Take the job, would you?"

Falco grumbled, hating to be reminded of their money situation. Shaking his head, he caved in. "Okay…I'm in too." He held out a hand to the opossum.

"Excellent!" Stenchler smiled, as he passed Falco his own papers and pen. The bird's enthusiasm did not match the opossum's though. After they finished and turned over the paperwork, Stenchler stood up from his desk, extending a hand to each of them. "Congratulations boys! Welcome to the Assorted Sewer Solutions family!"

Fox and Falco accepted the handshakes. While Fox felt glad to have income again, he wondered what they were getting into here. He never even knew 'sewer cleaning pilot' was a job until just now.

"Come with me gentlemen!" Stenchler raised a finger as he walked around his desk. Then he stopped, eyes widening. "Oh! I almost forgot something." He walked back behind the desk and reached down, withdrawing a silver briefcase. Fox gave it a curious look. That felt a little familiar too, for some reason.

The three of them marched down another concrete corridor, and then they descended a set of metallic stairs, their shoes clanking on the floor as they descended. The smell somehow got _worse_ as they went further down. Fox couldn't believe that was possible. _Will I_ ever _get used to this smell? What if this stink gets permanently stuck on me from working here too long?_

Stenchler laughed when he saw Fox and Falco wrinkling their noses. "Eh…you'll get used to the smell."

"How long did that take you?" Falco asked.

"Ten years."

"Ten freakin' years?!" Falco gasped.

"Oh, I'm just messing with you," Stenchler joked. "You need a sense of humor down here, or you'll go crazy. Anyway, we're about to meet your new coworkers…"

A sign marked 'Flight Personnel Only' hung above the end of the hall, a sliding metallic door beneath it. When Fox saw the sign, he wondered what kind of pilots they'd be working with. Would they be ex-airline pilots? Ex-cropdusters? Retired military personnel?

The door slid open as they approached. Someone walked into the frame who Fox never expected. The vulpine thought he was seeing double when Falco walked into the frame…but then he noticed boobs. The resemblance looked almost the same otherwise, since her blue and red feathers looked just like Falco's. Although he did notice the red feathers had a slightly pinker tint. She wore a grimy gray flight suit. Her feathers looked completely askew and grimy too, as she wiped a hand across her head to try to get them cleaner.

"Oh, Falco! Good timing!" Stenchler called out. "Got some new pilots here!"

"Uh…I'm over here…" Falco raised a hand, standing behind Stenchler.

Stenchler laughed, looking back over at Falco. "Oh, I'm definitely talking to her. She is Falco."

'Falco' looked over to Fox and Falco, both birds looking shocked at seeing each other. Everyone went quiet.

Fox decided to break the silence first. "Gosh… You could almost be Falco's twin sister."

"That's because I basically am…" 'Falco' said to Fox, before turning back to the other avian. "Falco, what are you doing here?"

Falco started to mumble something, but then Fox cut him off. "Wait…hold on Falco. You've got a sister?"

Falco sighed. "Actually…yeah. I do. I just never told any of you."

Fox's jaw dropped. "What?! Why not?"

"Oh, I don't know." Falco rolled his eyes. "Why didn't Peppy tell anyone he had a daughter and wife until after he became a Cornerian general?"

Fox blinked. Why _did_ no one call out Peppy on hiding that for so long? Then Fox remembered something else from around the same time. "Yeah…and then Slippy started dating."

"And Katt quit dying her fur pink," Falco shook his head.

Fox stroked his chin, remembering something else. "And Panther started referring to himself in the third person."

"And your friend Bill dropped his surfer dude accent and got a country one."

"Yeah…" Fox shook his head. "That time around when the Anglars attacked us was really weird. You know what? I can't even remember anything the Anglars did." Fox laughed, rubbing the back of his head. "I hate to admit it, but I was too busy chasing after Krystal to really care. Those Anglars were pretty lame anyway."

"It's almost like someone screwed around with our brains…messed with our personalities and stuff. I think everything's fine now though. Katt went back to pink at least."

"Hey…you two done reminiscing?" 'Falco' said off to the side. She'd crossed her arms, glaring at the both of them.

"I guess…" Fox glanced between both Falco and…Falco. "You know, this is gonna get real confusing real fast if you both have the same name…"

"Eh…" 'Falco' waved a feathered hand. "Falco's just my callsign. My real name is Kari. Just use that."

"We have callsigns down here?" Fox cocked his head. "We're exterminators right? Just seems weird to have callsigns like we're in the military."

"That's just the way Ghost likes to do things around here." Kari shrugged.

"Who's Ghost?"

"Ah…" Stenchler interrupted, answering for Kari. "He's the veteran pilot around here. Organizes all the squadrons and stuff. He's going to be your direct supervisor. Falco, think you can take them there?"

Both birds turned to look at Stenchler.

"Yeah…" Stenchler laughed. "I think using 'Kari' is a good idea. Anyway, take Fox and Falco downstairs and get them suited up."

"Sure." Kari chuckled, looking over at Falco. "Guess me and baby brother can get caught up in the meantime."

Falco glared at her for that last remark. "You only hatched four minutes before I did!"

"That still makes me the elder."

"Anyway, good luck you two," The opossum nodded towards Fox and Falco before walking off, holding that silver briefcase in one hand.

Fox gave the briefcase another look. He could have sworn he'd seen that case somewhere before.

Kari didn't give him time to look though, as she gestured towards a nearby doorway. "This way."

They walked down another concrete corridor, before getting into yet another lift and descending even more. The further down they went, the more Fox wondered if he'd ever be able to even find his way out of this place if he didn't have a guide. All of these passageways just blurred together in his head.

"I take it Star Fox isn't doing that good, since you two are here." She gave a mocking grin to the two of them.

That one hurt. Fox's pointed ears folded over when she mentioned that. "Star Fox isn't around anymore."

Kari blinked, eyes widening. "Oh! I didn't realize it was that bad. I'm sorry. I thought you were just doing this for extra cash or something."

"No way sis," Falco said. "If there were any other way, neither of us would be here."

"So... For real this time Falco," Fox turned to the avian. "How come you never mentioned Kari?"

"He's just ashamed I decided to become a CDF pilot instead of a mercenary like him." Kari answered for him, adding a teasing laugh. "Falco thinks it's a little embarrassing his older sis didn't become an outlaw like—"

"Siiiis…" Falco rolled his eyes. "I'm a big boy now. I can speak for myself."

"So the CDF…" Fox repeated. "So how'd you get here?"

"Downsizing in the CDF I'm afraid. But the work here's all right. You'll probably get some good hazard pay before long."

After arriving at another floor, they passed under a flashing red sign that said "NO ENTRY" but Kari paid it no mind. The next room looked like a mechanic shop slash garage of some sort. Tool cabinets lined the walls, along with bigger machines like jacks and drills. But as always, everything looked to be covered in grunge. Someone in the back of the shop welded something together, the light coming off the blow torch. Fox walked over to look, but then someone grabbed Fox's shoulders from behind, whirling him around.

" _Surprise!_ " Sharp canine jaws snapped directly in Fox's face.

Fox was so taken off guard he stumbled backwards, falling flat on his ass as he tripped over a bucket on the floor. Meanwhile, laughter echoed in his ears, both from the newcomer and Kari. After gathering himself up, Fox looked up at who startled him. A black Alsatian canine stood there laughing like crazy, wearing the same kind of dirty flight suit that Kari wore.

"Boo!" the dog waved his hands in front of his face, going for a mock scary look. "I'm Ghost… Scared you, didn't I?"

Fox wanted to get up and sock Ghost in the jaw for such a childish prank, but kept his temper in check since this guy was his new boss. Fox dusted himself off and climbed up off the floor, his nice shirt, tie, and slacks now covered with soot.

Ghost still wasn't done with his mocking. "You two came down here dressed like that, really?" He pointed at their business attire.

"Hey," Fox's tail harshly waved behind him. "We didn't know we were gonna get to fly today. Stenchler just brought us down here. But if you need us to fly, we can fly. We used to be Star Fox."

"Ooooh, your highnesses," Ghost put one arm over his torso and bowed in a mocking show of respect. "So wonderful to meet you! I should go get my autograph book!"

Fox narrowed his eyes, still doing his best to hold his temper. _You need the money_ , he reminded himself again. _You need the money. You need the money._

"So…" Ghost rubbed his hands together, stirring up a little black soot in between them. "You two need callsigns, eh? I can come up with something…"

Fox got the feeling he wouldn't like Ghost's callsigns.

"All right…" the dog pointed at Fox. "You…will be Feather Duster. On account of that big fluffy tail following you everywhere."

Fox's ears flattened backwards, as he narrowed his eyes. "Why can't you just call me Fox?"

"Because I said so Feather Duster, that's why!" Ghost yelled in Fox's face again, like a drill sergeant.

And then a hardcore metal guitar riff echoed through the garage. While Fox was freaked out at Ghost getting up in his face like that, he couldn't help but look around for where that guitar riff came from.

"Are you for real?" Falco spoke up. "What kind of a callsign is that?"

"Don't speak out of turn, feather brains!" Ghost turned to Falco, pointing a finger at him. Then he blinked, a devilish grin on his face. "Ah…now I know what your callsign will be. Henceforth, you sir will be known as…Feather Brains!" Another guitar riff blasted through the garage.

Fox looked around again, trying to find the origin of the noise.

Ghost didn't notice the music. "Feather Duster and Feather Brains even match! And Falco gets to keep her callsign too!"

"But Falco is my name!" Falco pleaded. "Give it back!"

"You want it back?" Ghost grinned, enjoying the misery he was inflicting on Falco. "You gotta earn it!" Another guitar riff.

"Gosh, and you wonder why we have such high turnover," Kari sighed, interrupting Ghost. "Aren't you tired of having to train new pilots over and over again?"

"Not at all," Ghost laughed, before turning back to Fox and Falco with a grin. "Brightens my day every time I do this. Now…Feathers…as for your first day… Feather Duster, you're paired up with me. Feather Brains, you get paired up with Falco."

 _Oh joy… I get the angry one who yells in my face about five times a second. And Falco is going to fly with Falco. This is going to be an interesting first day…_

"Come on, Falco," Kari herded Falco away to another part of the garage. "Our ship's over here."

Fox gulped. He was alone with the drill instructor wannabe now. Nonetheless, he was ready to get to work, so he turned over to Ghost. "So… Stenchler said we fly Sewer Sharks to do this job. You got one around here?"

Ghost chuckled, walking to one corner in the garage towards a large object covered with a sheet. He ripped the sheet off, exposing…something. It _kind of_ looked like a gunship. Actually no, it looked more like someone ripped a ton of things off of various pieces of construction equipment, mashed them all together, stuck a jet engine on it, spraypainted it all a dingy dark gray, and then called it a day. Kind of like something from an 80s sci-fi action flick.

"This here's the Hole Hawg!" Ghost pointed at the machine.

Fox had to stifle a laugh at the name. However, then he noticed something on the front of the ship.

"Is that a _minigun_?" Fox asked, pointing it out. "Why's tha—"

"I took her apart and I put her back together again!" Ghost spoke in a bragging tone, as if this were some sort of beautiful hand-crafted supercar he built himself. "Now…I've got some special stuff in here. It's not all strictly legal…" Ghost gave Fox a very weird-looking, almost flirty grin on those words.

Fox didn't know what to make of that, but persisted with his question. "Like the minigu-?"

"But anyway…it all just might keep you off the wall!" Ghost cut off Fox again, as another guitar riff blared out.

"Off the wall?"

"We're flying through the sewers, _spud-brain_!" He shouted into Fox's face again, to where the vulpine could only see teeth. Backing off, he continued. "Why do you think we go through so many pilots? We've got one out there who crashed this morning…and got people out there blotting him out with _handy wipes_!" Guitar riff.

Fox turned around, finally spotting where the guitar riffs came from. A little penguin guy sat in the corner on top of a tool chest, eyes closed as he tuned his electric guitar and every so often belted out a loud riff. Catching Fox's eye, he looked at Fox like a deer in the headlights, before bowing as if to apologize. The penguin slipped the guitar into a case and walked off. Fox had no words.

He turned back to Ghost as if expecting the dog to explain it, but Ghost didn't seem to notice the penguin, continuing on with his spiel. "All right…climb aboard Feather Duster!"

Ghost shoved a helmet into Fox's hands, putting on one himself. Meanwhile the Hole Hawg's cockpit popped open, exposing two seats. The black dog climbed into the rear, letting Fox take the pilot's seat.

Fox looked flabbergasted at Ghost. "You want me to fly? On my first day? I've never even seen one of these things before."

Ghost didn't look up from his controls in the backseat, as he began to punch in commands. "I find that trial by fire is the best way to separate the pilots from the Milksop Millies! Now get in here already!"

Fox raised his eyebrow. _What the hell is a Milksop Millie?_

"You sure this is OK? I mean…you didn't even give me a flight suit. I'm still in this shirt and tie. And what's the minigun f—"

"I said get in, you baby!" Ghost yelled at Fox again. "Or I'll change your callsign to Feather Butt!"

Fox winced, his ears turning backwards again. _What a combination. Yells like a drill instructor, has the insults of a five-year-old._

Not knowing what else to do, Fox decided to just listen to Ghost and climb in. It smelled horrible in there, like sweat, but Fox distracted himself by examining the controls. And for the first time since getting hired, Fox caught a break. It looked like Ghost's cockpit controls were cannibalized from a Cornerian fighter's. Fox trained on them back at the Flight Academy. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad… Still though, it felt weird sitting here in a shirt, slacks, and a tie. And his clothes got dirtier and sweatier by the minute in here too. Fox felt like he was burning up, and the hatch hadn't even shut yet.

"Okay… Monitors are…on." Ghost's image appeared on the monitor in front of Fox. "Now you can look at my gorgeous face all day long up there!" Ghost gave a mocking wink, flashing his sharp teeth.

Fox just rolled his eyes at that. A large metal door opened up in front of them, giving Fox his first look at the sewers proper. It also gave Fox his first _smell_ of the sewers proper. Unbelievably, the poo smell got _even worse_ compared to before. Like by twenty times as much.

"Gaaaaah….!" Fox stabbed at the cockpit's close button, letting the glass canopy enclose around them. But that only cancelled out part of the stench in exchange for the cockpit's sweat stench…along with stifling heat.

"Mmmm….." Ghost took a big whiff. "Love that smell. Reminds me of biscuits and gravy!"

Fox's eyes widened. He said that like he was getting off on it or something.

"Go on…take a deep breath," Ghost chuckled, slapping him on the shoulder from behind. "Don't you love the smell of the sewers in the morning?" The dog took another deep whiff.

"Uh…no! I kind of like the smell of poo as far away from me as possible!"

"Well, didn't you pick the perfect job then?" Ghost laughed.

 _Am I really going to come down here and do all of this? Every day?_ Fox felt like weeping at the thought.

"All right…let's git 'er goin'…" Ghost tapped some more commands into the console behind Fox. The jet engine started to spool up. Lights on the front of the ship ignited. "We are go for launch."

Fox looked at the pitch black tunnel in front of him, almost feeling like a bullet about to be shot out of a gun. The jet engine rose in tempo, the ship vibrating more as it powered up. While an experienced pilot, Fox found himself trembling at all the sensations. He was about to fly off into the pitch black underground, while piloting a ship he'd literally never seen before, with the most unhelpful co-pilot in history.

"Ignition on three…" Ghost looked up at Fox on the video monitor, a glint in his eye.

Fox braced himself, praying for the best.

"Ready? _Three_!"

Fox got pressed hard into his seat while they rocketed out of the garage, accelerating to over a hundred miles per hour in an instant. Fox wanted to yell out 'you dick!' but he was too busy wrangling with the flight stick from the surprise launch. The black dog let out a country boy yell as they shot off into the darkness. The Hole Hawg's lights didn't give Fox much time to react to anything in front of him. It just looked like one big black hole down here. Out of the darkness, a wall of pipes flew up on the left, blocking half of the tunnel off. Fox swung the stick to the right, only to overcorrect and nearly graze across the right wall. He could almost feel the tip of the starboard wing being clipped off by the concrete. At least the tunnel looked clear now…for the moment. Fox breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh, oops, I forgot to turn on the tunnel lights." Ghost laughed, punching some buttons.

"You…forgot?" Fox gasped.

"Oh come on, we're fine, aren't we?" Ghost grinned.

A series of fluorescent lights lining the tunnel lit up, making it a whole lot easier to see. It looked like all the concrete tunnels were tube-shaped, lined with various ducts, pipes, and electrical conduits. Putting his eyes forward, Fox spotted another wall of pipes ahead, once again blocking off half of the tunnel on the left. At least this time Fox had plenty of time to avoid it. He pushed the stick to the right…and the Hole Hawg kept flying straight. In fact, the ship started drifting to the left.

"Uh…Ghost." Fox kept pushing the stick to the right. "Problem!"

"What?" Ghost was looking down at his monitor, not looking ahead.

"My stick…it's not responding!"

"Oh, really?" Ghost looked up, speaking as though they were discussing the weather. "That _is_ a problem." Ghost pulled a manual into the video monitor's view and started to spool through it. "Lemme see here…"

Meanwhile the wall of pipes kept getting closer and closer. Fox continued to hammer the stick to the right, even though it did nothing. They would hit the pipes in three seconds. " **Ghooooooooost!** " Fox screamed.

"Ah, got it now." Ghost grinned.

The Hole Hawg drifted to the right, just narrowly avoiding another collision. Fox felt his life flash before his eyes as they just missed death there. He breathed hard, grateful to be alive now.

Meanwhile, Ghost cackled behind Fox. "You see, the problem is your stick is disconnected."

Fox stared back at Ghost on his monitor, dumbfounded. The vulpine hammered the flight stick back and forth. Nothing happened. Ghost was right.

"I forgot to mention something," Ghost grinned with barely-contained laughter. "I can fly the ship from back here. Here, I'll give you control now." The dog pushed some buttons.

He'd played Fox like a fiddle yet again. Fox wanted to hurl all sorts of abuse at Ghost for the prank, but figured that'd just make Ghost even smugger than he already was.

"Hey….just relax," he gave a friendly pat on Fox's shoulder. "Pretend this is all just a game. Maybe it'll even be fun!" Ghost spoke in a soft voice, a smile on his face. In the space of a millisecond, the grin vanished, Ghost returning to drill instructor mode. " _Shoot the tubes, Feather Duster!"_

Fox grit his teeth, having to yank the earpiece in the helmet away from his ear, with how loud Ghost shouted. It even distorted the audio and made the sound crackle for a moment, making the sound even more earsplitting. _Why does he have to yell like that all the time?!_

"Now…let's get down to some bug spraying!" Ghost laughed.

Oh yeah. Fox was so upset at Ghost he'd almost forgotten the reason they were down here in the first place. Maybe doing this would help calm him down. Wouldn't do much good to get mad at Ghost out here.

"All right…" Fox grit his teeth. "So that minigun…is that what Stenchler meant he said I'd be 'spraying repellant'?"

"Yeah pretty much. And it's a real minigun," Ghost said, with a grin. "I'm not joking this time."

"Really?" Fox's eyes widened. Having a minigun sounded awesome, but that raised another question. "So why do we need a minigun?"

"Oh, just look right in front of you."

Fox blinked, glancing ahead. He saw what looked like a series of orange lights, clustered on all sides of the tunnel. But as they got closer, they turned out to be massive spiders glowing bright orange. Fox gagged at the sight of them. They looked as big across as he was tall, and their spider webs covered everything in the tunnel.

"Light 'em up, Feather Duster!"

Fox didn't need to be told twice. He squeezed the trigger on the flight stick. The minigun spooled up for a second, before unleashing a buzzsaw roar as hundreds of rounds pounded into the targets and everything else. As the bullets struck the spiders, they popped like water balloons, splashing orange goo everywhere. Some of it splattered over the front of the canopy, sticking there like glowing molasses. Fox shivered at the sight. Just what sort of chemicals could cause spiders to get huge and _glow_ like that? Fox prayed he never crashed down here and ended up having to hike out of the sewers on foot.

Fox laid down more fire on a second group of spiders, but then he accidentally shot a juncture box they'd all been clustered around. Sparks spit out of the ruined electrical box, switching off most of the lights in this part of the tunnel.

"Uh…Ghost? Was that okay?"

"Yeah, of course it was! You nailed those chumps!"

"But what about the lights?" Fox pointed at the darkened lamps.

"Don't worry about it! City's got a separate department for cleaning up all the destruction we cause."

"Really? The mutant bug problem down here's that bad?"

"Oh yeah you bet! Just fire at will!"

They flew on through the tunnels, Fox ventilating every mutant he came across. While initially disgusted, Fox found this to be oddly satisfying too, kind of like the feeling you get after swatting a fly that had been buzzing around your head for the past half hour. Using a minigun to do it made it all the more fun. Maybe Ghost was right about pretending it was all a game. And Fox turned out to be right about the Sewer Sharks not being so hard to fly after having experience with the Cornerian fighter controls. He got used to piloting it in no time at all.

However, Fox couldn't help but wonder how many tax dollars this whole operation sucked up. Corneria City paid a company to fly fighters underground and shoot up all the mutants, and then paid a whole other company to fix up the damage caused by the first company. No wonder Corneria City got so expensive to live in over the past few years. The answer to his money woes laid right under his feet the whole time, literally. At least now he'd be earning some of that money back.

They flew for a few more hours, before Ghost signaled for Fox to head back to the garage for the lunch break. After pulling back in, Fox jumped out of the Hole Hawg, his business clothes pretty much ruined by all the dirt and sweat he picked up today. Fox slipped the helmet off, shaking his head to get rid of the sweat in his hair.

"So, Feather Duster, what do you think of your first time in a Sewer Shark?" Ghost asked, climbing out after him.

"It's…okay I guess," Fox conceded. _Too bad you're as intolerable as all hell._

"Aww, is that it?" Ghost took his helmet off, keeping his stupid grin on. "I figured you'd have more to say than that!"

"Well, nobody really paid me to talk when I led Star Fox." Fox shrugged. Truth was, Fox kept his responses brief because he just wanted to get away from Ghost now. This guy was driving him insane. Fox had no clue how he was going to put up with Ghost forty hours a week like this.

Mercifully, Ghost decided to end the conversation there. "All right, Feather Duster. 1300 sharp. Meet me back here again. Don't be late! Dismissed!"

And with that, Ghost saluted, turned and walked away, Fox letting out a sigh of relief as he did so. Fox _hated_ drill instructors back in his academy days and Ghost had their mannerisms down to a T.

"Hey Fox!" a familiar voice called out.

Fox turned around, spotting Falco walking over to him along with Kari coming up behind. Falco wore an old, faded jumpsuit like her. The vulpine smiled, glad to see a familiar face.

Since Fox wanted to forget about Ghost as quickly as possible, he decided to let Falco talk first. "How was your morning?"

"Better than I'd hoped," Falco smiled, looking at Kari. "Sis and I have been catching up. Minigun's pretty fun, isn't it?"

"I guess so," Fox smiled.

"Ghost givin' you a hard time, I guess?" Kari smirked, looking Fox up and down. "You look like a wreck in those clothes."

Fox sighed, looking at his business dress. "Yeah…it was pretty rough."

"He pulled the prank on disconnecting your flight stick too, didn't he?" Kari chuckled.

Fox looked up, eyes widened. "How'd you know?"

Kari rolled her eyes. "He does it to all the rookies who come through here. His way of saying 'hello', basically."

"Hell of a way to say hello!" Falco shook his head, crossing his arms.

"I thought I was gonna die…" Fox sighed, this morning's events already making him feel weary.

"I don't like him doing it either," Kari looked off into the distance. "He's scared away a lot of good pilots…"

Fox felt glad to hear that he hadn't suffered alone with Ghost at least. "I guess you know about him flying the ship from the backseat too?"

Kari laughed, even turning her head back as she did so. "That's Ghost all right. Loves to show off. We flew together in the CDF before we ended up here. That's also where he picked up his habit of hazing. He loved doing it back then, and he loves doing it now." She gave a warm smile to Fox. "But hey…Ghost respects talent. If you just give him your best flying, he'll respect you before long, like he does me."

That made Fox feel a little better, but the talk of Ghost's past got him curious. "How come Ghost is here now, anyway?"

"One hazing prank went a little too far." Kari took on a more somber tone. "Ghost…uh…strapped a rookie to the outside of his fighter and did loop-de-loops and stunts with it. He almost killed that poor guy."

"Goodness..." Fox's eyes widened. "That sounds awful!"

"Yeah, I know." Kari looked a little angry to be discussing this. "After that, the brass decided he was too wild to keep around. So he ended up here, and as you can see he hasn't fully learned from that experience. But he helped me get my job here after the CDF let me go, so at least there's that." She ran a hand through her head feathers. "Anyway you two better hurry up and go on break. Day's only half over. Go get some food and relax for a while. I'll see you later."


	2. Chapter 2

After lunch, the two ex-Star Fox pilots reentered the garage, this time with Fox wearing a proper flightsuit. However, Fox thought his company-provided suit looked almost as old as he was. Numerous tears streaked across the faded gray fabric, patched up in a haphazard manner. Worst of all, the sewer smell permeated the fabric, so that stink followed Fox everywhere now. All in all, total crap compared to his trademark green Star Fox jumpsuit. Fox wished he hadn't sold that now…

"Least you won't ruin any more nice clothes, huh?" Falco grinned.

A white Alsatian approached them. Fox knew he hadn't seen any white dogs today, and yet something seemed peculiar…

"Excuse me, do I know you?" Fox asked.

"Of course you do, _punk_!" the white Alsatian yelled in a too-familiar voice. "It's me, Ghost! Why do you think people call me that?" He pulled up a sleeve to show the solid white fur on his arm.

Fox's jaw dropped. "But…but…you had black fur this morning!"

"Ever hear of a shower, numbnut? I just took my monthly one!"

"You only shower once a month?" Fox took a step back, eyes wide.

"Yeah, so what?" Ghost rolled his sleeve back in a huff. "We work in a sewer. We're gonna get stinky. I don't see the point showering too much because of that. Anyway, Feather Duster…Feather Brains." Ghost offered a smile. "Congrats on sticking with us this long. Lesser men would have run crying for the exit by now."

 _Gosh, and I wonder who's fault that is_. Fox rolled his eyes.

"Now…for this afternoon's entertainment…" Ghost rubbed his hands together. "Falco and I have a special assignment. Ninja Squadron went missing about a week ago, but now we've got some intel on a possible location. We're gonna check it out."

"So what about us?" Fox asked.

"Glad you asked." Ghost chuckled, and pointed at the Hole Hawg in its launch bay, still covered with orange spider goo from the morning's sortie. "You two will be cleaning the Hole Hawg. I want it spotless by the time I get back."

Fox sighed. _Menial labor now, really?_

"Cleaning supplies are over there," Ghost pointed at a cabinet nearby. "Now hop to it, spoot-heads!" And with that Ghost spun on his heel, leaving Fox and Falco to their task.

"Nerve of that guy…" Falco whispered under his breath.

"I know Falco…" Fox shook his head. "But we've gotta stick it out for now. Don't worry, we'll get better jobs eventually."

"That day cannot come soon enough…" The bird muttered as they walked over to the cleaning cabinet.

Both of them gathered up various buckets, rags, and cleaning solutions, and then they set to work. Cleaning off the goo turned out to be a hideous task. It just didn't want to come off of anything. When they did manage to clean the goo off the Hole Hawg, most of it ended up stuck on their own clothes. It all stank horribly, even more so than the regular atmosphere down here. Fox continued that mental chant that kept him going throughout the day. _You need the money. You need the money._ The vulpine didn't know how much longer the chant would carry him though.

The radio inside the Hole Hawg emitted a static burst. "Hey! Feathers! You two still there?" Ghost called out over the speakers. He sounded frantic.

Sighing, Fox reached into the cockpit and pressed the receive button. "Yeah, what is it Ghost?"

"We're in deep trouble over here!"

"What's the problem?"

"Mutants! Lots of 'em! We're over near Sector 34! I'm sending coordinates the Hole Hawg now!"

"Sector 34?"

"Yeah! But be careful! Sector 34's dangerous!" Ghost's voice became quieter, as he yelled away from the mic to talk to Kari. "More of 'em! Falco hurry! Get 'em! Get 'em!" And then the radio faded to static.

"Crap, that don't sound good…" Fox frowned, looking over at Falco.

"You want to help Ghost?" Falco continued to clean the ship, not bothering to look up from his task. "After everything he's done to you today? What if it's another prank?"

"Well…" Fox squeezed the dirty water out of his cleaning rag. "What if it isn't, Falco? What if they really are in trouble?"

"Don't you think other pilots would be scrambling right now if it were a real emergency?" He gestured with his sponge towards the rest of the garage. "Awful quiet right now, don't you think?"

Fox looked around the quiet shop. Even that weird penguin guy was gone. Nonetheless, Fox had a bad feeling. "Ghost has treated us like crap, but still… I want to go help."

"You're too nice for your own good sometimes, Fox." Falco dropped his sponge in the dirty bucket, wiping the grunge off his hands as best as he could. He gave a small smile. "But I've flown with you a long time. I know when to trust your gut instinct. I'll go with you. You want to take the front?"

"Yeah, sure. You OK in back?"

"Yeah, sis trained me on the co-pilot's station this morning." Falco nodded. "I think I've got it down."

"Okay then. Let's get going."

After grabbing two spare helmets, Fox hopped in front, preparing the Hole Hawg's launch sequence.

Meanwhile, Falco climbed into the rear and let out a disgusted cry. "Oh god! Stinks to high heaven in here!"

"Now you know what I put up with this morning, with Ghost's body odor and all…" Fox finished up his checks on the monitor. The Hole Hawg's engines booted up with a satisfying hum. "All right… You got the coordinates in your machine Falco?"

"Uh…" Falco gagged. "Yeah, I guess so. Let's just get this overwith."

"Okay, here we go!" Fox engaged the boosters, sending them rocketing out of the garage.

The ride to Sector 34 turned out to be uneventful. But once they got close, a call came over the comms screen with Stenchler tagged as the caller. Fox wondered what he wanted, and punched the button to accept transmission. What Fox saw next baffled him so much he almost laughed. Stenchler was at a beach somewhere, dressed in swimming trunks and a gaudy palm print leisure shirt, holding a pineapple cup with a little pink straw and umbrella poking out of it. He even had his own personal seafood buffet set up in the foreground, full of fish, lobsters, shrimp, fruits, and assorted other foods. The opossum sure didn't look festive though, having an angry scowl on his face.

"So… You two are headed for Sector 34…" The opossum stirred his drink, speaking quietly but with a stern undertone.

"Uh, yes…" Fox didn't know what to make of Stenchler's mood, so he decided to tread carefully. "Is there a problem?"

"You know Sector 34 is a forbidden zone, right?" Stenchler took a sip on his straw.

"Ghost and Kari are in trouble over there. We're just going to help."

"Oh, is that all?" Stenchler's frown melted away, as he offered Fox a reassuring smile. "Don't worry about it. I'll get some more experienced pilots to go help them. No need to risk your necks on your first day."

Fox blinked, considering Stenchler's proposal. He still wanted to help, although what the opossum suggested did sound reasonable… But before Fox could reply, a burst of static covered over Stenchler's image. Ghost's picture came into focus, albeit Fox struggled to see him through the snow.

"Okay…F…! I got…em…back!" Ghost yelled to Kari off camera, his words almost inaudible. He looked back towards Fox. "Ghost to…Feath…! Don't listen to Stenchler! He _wants_ me and Falco…die out…here…!"

Fox's eyes widened. "What?! Why?"

"…saw something Stenchler doesn't want anyone…see! He…tried to kill Ninja…quadron! Now he wants…kill us! Hurry up and-"

The screen buzzed out of focus, cutting back to Stenchler on the beach, talking to someone out of his camera's shot. "—urry up! He's telling them everything!" Once the opossum's picture came into focus again, he snapped his head back to Fox, offering a nervous grin. "Oh hey Fox! Listen…I know money is tight for you right now. How about I give you and Falco a hundred thousand credits? Each? Just forget you heard any of what Ghost said, come back to the garage, and that'll be that." Stenchler gave the both of them a big smile.

Fox's eyes widened. He couldn't speak for a moment, taken off guard by this turn of events. As he realized what was going on though, the vulpine's eyes narrowed. "Stenchler, are you offering me hush money?"

"What about two hundred thousand credits?" Stenchler kept up the smile, but Fox noticed his legs starting to tremble.

"Answer my damn question!" Fox flashed his teeth at the monitor as he spoke.

"Okay… You drive a hard bargain, but I respect that." Stenchler sighed, setting down his cup on the buffet table. "Five hundred thousand credits each. One million credits total."

Fox couldn't believe this. "Are you thick in the head?" Fox growled, his tail lashing in the seat behind him. "Who do you think I am?"

"Hey Fox…" Falco whispered. "That _is_ a lot of money… Maybe—"

"Not helping Falco!" Fox raised a hand to silence him. He turned back to Stenchler. "I'm not helping you cover up murder."

"Fox…" Stenchler picked up his pineapple cup again. He took another sip on his straw, the stern look returning. "Maybe you should listen to your buddy. One last chance. Will you take the money?" He paused. "Turn this down, and you're in the same boat as Ghost and Kari."

Fox didn't hesitate to answer. "Like you said, I've saved the Lylat System over and over again." Fox narrowed his eyes. "I didn't do that to let people like you corrupt it from within. After I save Ghost and Kari, I'm coming for you."

Stenchler kept his face composed, but Fox noticed one of his eyebrows twitching in terror. "So that's how it's going to be, huh?" The opossum took another sip on the pink straw. "Very sorry to hear that Fox. We could have had something special here…"

"Whatever that something is, I want no part of it."

Stenchler gave one last look at Fox, before stopping to put a fish on the plate in front of him. He started to cut the fish up. "Very well then. Au revoir Fox McCloud, and rest in pieces!" The transmission cut out to a black screen.

"Rest in…pieces?" Falco asked. "Don't like the sound of that. What did he mean by that?"

"I don't know," Fox looked at the tunnel in front of them, still streaking past at lighting speed. "Just keep an eye on that radar Falco. Let me know if anything weird turns up."

"Uh… Something weird _is_ coming up, right now." Falco looked up from the display. "Behind us."

Fox changed the monitor to the Hole Hawg's rear camera. On the screen, a glowing red light approached. Moreover, Fox heard a buzzing sound. The thing started to come out of the darkness. It looked as big as the Hole Hawg itself, with a metallic cylindrical body, two mechanical arms, and a glowing red eye-type device on front. The left arm ended with a wicked-looking claw, like the kind of thing a junkyard crane would use to pick up a car for crushing. And the other arm ended with a _chainsaw_. As long as Fox was tall. That was the buzzing noise.

"Fox…pedal faster!" Falco urged.

Fox slammed the throttle forward, sending them blasting down the tunnel. Everything looked like a big gray blur now, the tunnel lights streaking past and leaving long streams. With the tight confines here, Fox felt like he was trying to fly through a soda straw. Still the metallic monster gained on them, Fox seeing it wave its chainsaw at their rear exhaust. It made another slashing attempt, instead cutting into a set of vertical pipes. Sparks erupted from the ruptured plumbing. Fox's eyes widened. _That could have been us…_ At least cutting through that metal slowed that thing down, whatever it was.

"Fox, there's a juncture coming up ahead!" Falco called forward. "We might be able to lose him there!"

"Okay, got it!"

Fox accelerated as fast as he could around the next turn, breaking sight with the killer robot in the meantime. He hoped this would be enough of a gap to get away. The juncture Falco indicated came up on the left. Fox juked the stick towards it, sending the Hole Hawg into the new passageway. Fox glanced at the rear camera's view on his monitor. The red light was gone.

"Did we lose him?" Fox's hand trembled on the stick.

"Yeah, we're good…" Falco whispered, like he was afraid the bot would hear them.

The comms screen flickered back on, showing Stenchler back at the beach buffet and looking smug. "So, that get your attention boys?" The opossum munched on some burnt marshmallows on a stick.

"What was that?!" Fox asked.

"That, gentlemen…" Stenchler pointed at the camera with his marshmallow stick. "…was one of the drones I told you about at your interview. Like I said…we could never get the things to work right when it came to pest control. But it turns out they make wonderful hunters. Wouldn't you agree?" The opossum grinned as he picked mallows off the stick.

Falco just laughed. "Didn't seem so bad to me. We lost him in like half a minute!"

"Oh, Falco, buddy boy…" Stenchler giggled as he munched on more of the mallows. "There's plenty more where that came from. Look in front of you!"

Fox glanced ahead, spotting a red light coming right for them. Another cylinder-shaped killbot emerged from the darkness, two seconds away from going kamikaze on them.

"Oh, crudbuckets!" The vulpine brought the minigun to bear, hot lead following soon afterwards. The bullets found their mark, ripping the drone in half with an explosion and spraying the Hole Hawg with debris and flames.

"Don't go all to pieces on me! Hahaha!" Stenchler tossed a marshmallow into the air, letting it land in his mouth.

Out of a side tunnel, another drone drifted into Fox's path. It raised its chainsaw arm high, preparing to slice the Hole Hawg in twain. Fox threw his sights around, the torrent of bullets ripping off the chainsaw arm. The bot caught some more rounds in its face, sending it tumbling to the bottom of the pipe in a heap of parts and scrap.

Fox wheeled the Hole Hawg through a tight turn, scraping along the walls. Ahead, he spotted _three_ red lights in a triangle arrangement, blocking the tunnel. Feeling his sweaty palms gripping the flight stick, the vulpine flashed his sights across two of the targets, giving each a quick burst to the eye. They tumbled out of the way as the bullets connected.

But Fox realized he'd be too late to shoot the last one on the left. At the last second, Fox slammed the flight stick to the right to avoid it. The mechanical beast tore a gash along the port side of the ship with its claw arm, shattering the canopy's port-side glass in the process. Sparks spit out of the metallic wound. Fox grit his teeth, throwing up his arm to protect from shrapnel.

Alarms rung in the cockpit, as Fox gazed in shock at the destroyed glass. If that claw dug into the Hole Hawg about a foot deeper, it probably would have taken off his arm. "Falco! Damage report!"

"Uhh…" Falco punched some commands into his console. "Some subsystems in the yellow, but we can stay up in the air. I think…" Falco sounded unsure.

"Can we make it to where Ghost and Kari are?"

"Uh…probably…" Falco focused on the monitor. "I don't know about anything else after that though!"

The comms screen buzzed, Kari's image coming into focus this time. She had a nasty gash across one side of her face. "Fox! Falco!"

"Kari! You and Ghost all right?"

"Barely…" Kari breathed hard. "Stenchler reprogrammed the drones and sent them after us."

"Oh yeah, we know. You all right?"

"Yeah, we found a spot to hide…" Kari glanced down at her ship's monitor. "We've got you on radar. Can you make it to the coordinates we sent you?"

"Yeah, but…" Fox switched over to the ship diagnostics on his monitor briefly. "One of the drones got a good hit on us. We're limping."

Kari frowned at the news. "Okay…" She nodded. "Just get to us. We'll figure something out."

After a few more minutes, they pulled into a small side tunnel off the main passage. A heavy metallic door marked the end of the passageway, hanging open at the moment. Fox saw Kari standing there, waving them inside with a flashlight. He guided the Hole Hawg inside.

As Fox touched down past the doors, the Hole Hawg's engine made a loud coughing sound, spitting out a cloud of smoke. Fox popped the canopy, jumping to the floor. Looking around, the vulpine realized this place appeared to be another garage for the Sewer Sharks, only smaller than the one back at HQ. Darkness swallowed up most of the room, with many of the lights turned off. A layer of dust covered almost everything, except the immediate area around the launch bays. Kari walked over to greet them.

"You two okay?" Kari asked, still wiping the blood off of her feathers.

"We are, but…" Fox looked back at the Hole Hawg. "We took a pretty good hit back there. Ghost doing all right?"

"Ehh…" Kari frowned, looking over towards her own ship, parked in the adjacent docking bay. "One of the drone's claws grazed him."

The three of them rushed over to Kari's parked ship, peering into the backseat. Blood from a wound stained Ghost's white fur red. He kept a hand clamped over it, whimpering from the pain. However, his face lit up upon seeing Fox and Falco there. "Oh, hey…the two Feathers. What's up?"

"Are you all right?"

"Eh, it's nothing old Ghost here can't handle." The white dog forced a grin through the pain. "Great…took my monthly shower and then this happens."

For once, one of Ghost's jokes actually made Fox smile. It reminded Fox the humor he and his wingmen used to get through the Lylat Wars. "You think you'll be OK?"

"Yeah…just…give me a few minutes…" Ghost groaned, ripping a sleeve off of his uniform for a makeshift bandage.

Since they seemed to be out of immediate danger, Fox stopped to gaze around the dark, dusty garage again. "What is this place, exactly?"

"An outpost," Kari said. "We've got little garages like this scattered throughout the sewer system. Good places to hide out if the mutants are swarming you, or your ship's damaged, or it's running low on energy."

"What, you think that one garage at HQ is the only one we've got?" Ghost laughed. "Yeah… I wasn't sure if this place would be open or not. None of us have seen much of Sector 34 since Stenchler marked it as forbidden. But I remembered this garage was here, so I thought this would be a good hiding spot. Looks like it worked out OK, eh Feather Duster?"

Fox grumbled. "Do you have to keep calling me that?"

"It's your callsign. I have to use it." Ghost said matter-of-factly.

Sighing, Fox asked, "Who made up that stupid rule in the first place?"

"Ghost did," Kari smirked, walking over. "He only made that rule because he doesn't like his real name."

"Wha? Seriously?" Fox's jaw dropped, looking back and forth between Kari and Ghost.

Ghost went silent, looking away from the others in embarrassment.

Falco, however, saw a chance for some payback. "So what's your real name?" Falco gave Ghost a devilish grin. "Percival? Milton?"

Ghost refused to look in Falco's direction, let alone say anything.

Kari giggled. "Tell them Ghost, or I'll do it for you."

"Okay, fine!" Ghost spun around, growling at Kari through sharp teeth. "I'll tell them! It's….it's…" He spoke in a whisper. "D-David…"

Falco narrowed an eye. "…that's it? What's bad about that?"

"It's just so _boring_ …" Ghost sighed. "Ghost sounds way cooler, don't you think?"

"It's no excuse to force nicknames on everyone else." Kari shook her head. "I never told you this, but I _hate_ being called Falco." She looked over at the two ex-Star Fox pilots. "He only gave me that callsign because I look like you, Falco."

Ghost sunk into his chair, again refusing to speak.

"Do you think I liked being called by my brother's name?" Kari turned over to the dog. "I mean… Ghost, imagine if someone called you Tiffany, because you've got a twin sister named Tiffany."

Ghost's face twisted up in disgust at the suggestion.

"Yeah, exactly." Kari chuckled and shook her head. "Like it matters now though…" She kicked a stray can on the floor, sending it clattering. "Stenchler's out to kill all of us, and our ships are crippled."

"But this place is a garage…" Fox suggested. "Do you think we could fix up the Sewer Sharks with what we've got here?"

"I don't know…" Kari looked around the room. Dust covered most of the equipment and tools within view, with a lot of the cabinets hanging open and stripped empty. "I'm okay with a wrench, but we'd have to scout this place out…see what we have to work with. No one's been here since Stenchler made Sector 34 a forbidden zone, and that was ten years ago."

"But…" Falco interrupted. He pointed at the floor leading towards a darkened doorway in the back of the room. "Someone _has_ been here. Look."

Kari pointed her flashlight where Falco indicated. Upon closer examination, numerous footprints could be seen in the disturbed dust, leading back and forth between the launch bays and the back door. One could even see tire tracks, possibly from a cart or dolly. Fearful looks crossed everyone's faces as they gazed around the room, wondering if someone might be watching them now. The darkness provided ample places to hide.

"Anyone got a gun?" Fox looked around, his ears rotating and scanning for sounds. "Would have brought my blaster, but I sold that a few months back…"

Ghost groaned, as he climbed out of the backseat of Kari's ship. "Yeah Fox…guns over here." He walked over towards the Hole Hawg while cradling his wounded arm. Reaching underneath one of the ship's panels, he pressed a hidden button to open a secret compartment on the side of the ship. "Help yourselves!"

Fox reached inside and pulled out an old pump-action shotgun. The wooden furniture and metal looked scratched to hell, a flashlight duct-taped to the side of the barrel. "This antique still work?" Fox asked.

"Hey, don't knock the classics!" Using his good arm, Ghost withdrew a bandolier of shells from the compartment and handed them to Fox. "Laser guns are no good down here. Too dirty and all that. But that shotgun…perfect for close encounters." Ghost chuckled.

Fox felt a chill running down his back at Ghost's last sentence, as he slipped the bandolier on over his shoulder. A close encounter was not something he wanted right now, not with any of those mutants.

Meanwhile, Falco withdrew his own gun from the weapons compartment. It looked like a bunch of random junk stuck to an old rifle receiver, formed into the vague shape of a gun. "What is this thing?" Falco looked at it from every angle in his hands. "The handgrip is from a kitchen knife! The magazine feed is an electrical box! The barrel is a _flashlight_!" He stared over at Ghost. "You call _this_ a gun?"

"Yeah…" Ghost rubbed the back of his head. "You know how much of our budget gets blown on feeding those miniguns? Not a whole lot left after that… But hey, don't you think my project gun turned out okay?" The dog offered a hopeful smile. "Built that myself."

"Feels like it's gonna break in my hand…"

Falco jiggled the fire selector switch…and then it really did break off in his hand. Falco looked at the switch, dumbfounded. Ghost's eyes widened at the sight, looking away embarrassed. Falco gave Ghost another glare, but sighed and stuck the switch back in place.

Meanwhile, Fox hadn't seen a shotgun in a long time, but he didn't think he'd have a problem using it. These old-fashioned kinetic weapons were pretty simple compared to blasters. Fox filled up the tube magazine with shells from the bandolier. "Okay… We're gonna scope the place out." Fox cocked the shotgun. "Kari, Ghost, you two gonna be ok here?"

"Hopefully," Kari started to rummage through a dusty toolbox. "I'll try to fix up the ships as best as I can with what's here, but you should probably check the rest of the outpost for supplies. Be careful, okay?"

"All right… Good luck with that you two. Falco, let's head out."

Fox and Falco walked towards the mysterious door in the back of the room. Darkness swallowed up everything past the frame. Fox turned on the shotgun's flashlight, waving it inside. The light revealed another concrete corridor, like the rest of the sewer. Dirt and trash covered the floor. Cut electrical wires slunk down from the ceiling, making crazy shadows on the walls whenever Fox shone his light over them.

"Now _this_ looks like a horror movie…" Falco whispered. "Feels like a Resident Hazard game…"

"Not helping Falco…" Fox whispered back, as he stepped into the hallway. "Unless you wanna go first?"

"Oh, screw that! Probably naked zombies here or something."

They paced down the corridor one step at a time, their boots clomping on the concrete floor and the sound echoing back at them. The dusty footprints led deeper and deeper into the dark outpost. Fox kicked open every door along the route, waving the shotgun inside. However, he found little aside from dusted-over utility rooms filled with trash. Over time, Fox began to notice a droning sound, like from a generator or something. This place obviously had power in the garage, so that didn't worry Fox too much. But when they went even further, Fox thought he heard a bubbling sound and the slosh and gurgle of liquid. What the hell was that?

Fox stopped at the last door at the end of the hall. He could hear the gurgling sounds beyond it, and the footprints went inside that door too. Placing a hand on the doorknob, Fox looked back at Falco. The bird nodded for him to open it up, holding the junk gun ready. Getting down low, Fox twisted the knob, nudging the door aside and pointing the barrel of the scattergun in first. Beyond the door, a spotless hallway greeted his sight, albeit still very dark. However, the hallway abruptly turned left after about ten feet. Fox could see an eerie blue light around the corner. Reluctantly, Fox signaled for Falco to follow, continuing to take point. As the vulpine looked around the bend, he saw something that beggared belief.

Tubes. Lots and lots of floor-to-ceiling tubes full of a mysterious blue bubbling liquid, and full of mutants in various stages of growth, from embryos up to nearly adult specimens. All mutants he'd been machine-gunning to death all day. Machines and computers hummed in the background, accompanying the weird bubbling and gurgling noises from the tubes. Fox waved the shotgun around, eyes wide in horror, trying to keep his eyes on every tube at the same time.

"Oh…damn," Falco's eyes widened. "You know, they are totally going to bust out of those tubes in about five sec—"

"Keep it down…would you?"

" _Too late_! I heard all of that!" a booming voice echoed through the chamber, over loudspeakers built into the ceiling. The voice sounded distorted, like it was running through a computer program. "Fox McCloud…Falco Lombardi… _Greetings!_ "

Fox and Falco waved their guns all around the room, trying to locate the man on the mic. "Who are you?!"

"Let's just say that I'm a _ghost_ …back from far into your _past_ …" The voice carefully punctuated and emphasized specific words with dramatic flair. It sounded like someone attempting stage theater. Really bad stage theater. "I have forseen your _coming_ , for I have _eyes_ and _ears_ in _many places_!"

Fox lowered the gun, turning to Falco with a blank look. The avian couldn't even speak, instead mouthing 'what the hell?'

"This isn't really happening right now, is it?" Fox asked.

"Oh yes…it is! My conquest is at _hand_! Today, the sewers! Tomorrow the—"

"No!" Falco pointed at a camera in the corner of the room. "You are _not_ going to finish that."

"Why don't you just come on out Stenchler?" Fox looked around the room. "That's gotta be you. I can tell it's you even with that weird voice modulator thing."

"Ooooh…but Stenchler is merely but a _pawn_ in my game of _oblivion_. Soon it will be _checkmate_ for all of you, and the _world_ shall burn in an inferno of _hate_! Hahaha! _Complete_. _Global_. _Saturat_ -" _Click._

Fox pointed his shotgun at a man covered in shadow, seated at a terminal in the back of the room. While the man blabbered on about his grand plans, the vulpine thought he spotted someone hiding on the other side of the tubes. So he and Falco just ran over, using the man's voice to cover their approach.

"Now…let's see who you really are," Fox flipped on a nearby desklamp, bathing the stranger in light. White hair, a red general's outfit, an ape's face with bare skin. Andross.

"You?!" Fox's jaw dropped, lowering the shotgun a bit. "It's you?!"

"I gotta admit though…" Falco snickered. "That speech was pretty funny."

"No. Freaking. Way…" Fox still looked dumbfounded. "You're alive? Again?"

"Uh yes." Andross said with fake concern, rotating his chair to face Fox. He looked down, running his hands over his red coat, before staring back up at Fox. "Should I not be?"

Fox just growled, pumping the shotgun in Andross's face.

"Now why'd you do that?" Andross laughed and pointed at the floor. "You ejected a perfectly good shell. See? It's down there. Here, I'll get it for—"

" _Hold it_!" Fox yelled. "Now…you tell me, how the hell are you still alive?"

"Well, I've got a good diet and fitness routine going. Three square meals a day, mostly vegetables, rice, and chicken. I exercise at least thirty minutes, five times a week. I make regular visits to my PCP and—"

" **Don't screw with me Andross!"** Fox racked the shotgun again.

Andross just smirked and looked down. "Oh look, you did it agai—" Fox jammed the shotgun's muzzle into one of Andross's nostrils, cocking it once more. Andross just frowned. "Fox, you really need to get a sense of humor. Could you back up, please?"

Fox blinked, realizing that yeah, he probably didn't need to be this close, so he backed up, the gun barrel popping back out of the ape's nose.

"Thank you…" The ape stuck a finger in the nostril where the barrel was, to clean it out. "I'll tell you why I'm here. Andross is still dead. I'm just a clone of him."

"A clone?" Fox cocked his head. "Like the one I killed when General Spears tried to bring you back?"

"Yeah, like that," Clone Andross looked at the finger he stuck on his nose, and then flicked away the boogers. "You know how after you killed Andross, he had like a gazillion backup plans to take over the Lylat System?"

"Actually, yeah…" Fox leaned back, although he still kept the shotgun pointed in the clone's general direction.

"I'm just another one." Clone Andross smiled. "I guess you can just call me…Andy."

Fox raised an eyebrow. "Okaaaaaayyyy…. So what's Andross's plan for you then, Andy?"

"Create mutants and set them loose in Corneria City's sewer system."

Fox waited for Andy to say something else, but nothing else came up. "…is that it?"

The clone shrugged. "Yeah, pretty much."

Fox narrowed his eyes. "How would that lead to taking over the Lylat System?"

"Dunno…" Andy shrugged. "If the Lylat Wars was Andross' plan A, General Shears was plan B, and the Saurian Crisis was plan C, then my plan is something like plan ZZZZZXIOPQOMGWUEWTFRIOBBQNPERFSMFH v2.133769. Has absolutely no chance of success."

Fox raised an eyebrow at the string of letters and numbers. "So why carry on?"

"Well, it's not like I can just go to the surface. And I don't really have anything else to do…so…" Andy sighed, the weight of being trapped underground for so long very evident.

"Gosh, that almost sounds kind of sad…" Fox lowered the shotgun.

"Yeah, I know. Not to mention… I'm really just a pawn in someone else's plan now."

"Who?"

"Mr. Stenchler, the mayor of Corneria City."

"But that's not right…" Falco said, looking confused. "Stenchler's our boss, not the mayor."

"Oh, that's right!" the clone clapped his hands together, as his eyes flickered in remembrance. "I guess you don't know. Stenchler's got a twin brother, and he's the mayor of Corneria City."

"Huh?" Fox's eyes widened. Then he just remembered something. "Wait…so _that's_ why I thought Stenchler looked familiar. I've seen the mayor's picture before, in the paper."

"Oh yeah, and there's plenty more Stenchlers where that came from." Andy laughed. "They've also got a cousin who runs the company that cleans up collateral damage caused by Assorted Sewer Solutions shooting up the mutants."

"So it's like a whole big money-making scheme?" Fox asked. "You make mutants, Stenchler's brother pays Stenchler tax money to kill the mutants, Stenchler's cousin also gets paid for cleaning up the collateral damage, and then they turn around and give you a cut?"

"Hah, they won't give me the time of day," Andy slapped his knee. "And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Stenchler's got two hundred and forty nine relatives _per square mile_ in Corneria City. Opossums breed like crazy you know. _All_ of them are in government or business, and _all_ of them have at least one racket like this going on. So they're all filthy rich and they basically own this town."

"Sheesh..." Falco shook his head. "That's insane."

"Yeah, and I'm sick of being their slave. That's why I did the whole 'hammy villain' thing. You're the first people I've met in years besides the Stenchlers. I had to have some fun with it. Besides, I'd like to help you take down the whole rotten family, since they keep me trapped down here. Nothing would please me more than seeing their faces when they lose it all."

"Really?" Fox asked.

"Sure," the ape smiled. "There's a pipe not far away from here that will take you to the surface. It'll let you out near the Redfield Estates beachfront. Stenchler's mansion is there and that's where he'll be. Here are the coordinates." He passed Fox a piece of paper with the information. "You do this, and then you get me out of here, and then I'll tell the courts everything I know on the Stenchlers. You can even send me to prison after that. I really don't care. This place is prison already."

"Huh… How convenient," Fox stroked his chin, looking at the slip of paper.

"The author's running out of words and he needs to wrap this up, so be quick OK?"

"I see," Fox turned to the invisible computer screen. "I'll get to it then."

Nail Strafer gave them a thumbs up from the other side of the screen.

"Good luck, Fox!" Andy clapped Fox on the shoulder.

Fox grinned at that. "Huh, never thought I'd hear that from a clone of Andross, but thanks!"

Fox and Falco rushed back to the garage, spotting Kari with a blow torch and mask she'd found. She was welding some spare metal panels over the gashes on the side of the Hole Hawg, the broken glass windows filled in with cardboard.

"How's the repair going?" Fox asked, as he ran up.

Kari pulled off the mask with a grim look on her face. "I patched up the armor as best as I could, but there's not a whole lot I can do for the engine. Not with the equipment here. You'll be able to fly for about half an hour tops, but that's it."

"Hmm…" Fox consulted the slip of paper Andy gave him, then showed it to Kari. "I got intel that this is an exit to the surface, and it's not far from here. Plus it'll get us close to Stenchler. Think the Hole Hawg could make it to these coordinates?"

"I guess…" Kari glanced at the slip, then back at Fox. "Where'd you get this?"

"It's…" Fox rubbed the back of his head. "…a pretty long story. But to make it short, a clone of Andross gave it to me. His name is Andy."

Kari stared back at Fox, not saying a word, not blinking. "…Kay…" Then she handed Fox back the paper. "That's…interesting."

"Ah, but it is true, _dearheart_!" Andy stepped into the workshop, waving his arms around and speaking in that stage theater voice again.

"Whoa! It really is him!" Ghost called out, looking up from his work on Kari's ship.

Kari's eyes widened, apparently having no clue what to say. "Uhm…uh…" She stammered. Eventually she collected her thoughts. "…you sure we can trust this guy, Fox?" Kari asked, giving him shifty eyes. "He _is_ the clone of a dead mad scientist slash military dictator."

"Ow, that hurt." Andy chuckled, reverting back to his normal voice. "But seriously… I've been stuck here for ten years. Can't really leave since the sewers are swarming with my own creations. I'm going nowhere. But tell the police to come here if you want. I'd actually like that, since they can get me out of here. I haven't seen the sun for so long…" He gazed wistfully at the ceiling. There was silence for a moment, before he looked back down, frowning at the four sewer jockeys just staring at him. "Well, what are you waiting for? Go get Stenchler!"

"…right," Fox said. "Falco?"

"Let's do it Fox!"

The two hopped back into the Hole Hawg, rocketing back out into the sewers. Fox followed the coordinates that Andy gave him. Looked like they were pretty close to the surface now, going by Falco's radar. But Fox didn't have long to ponder this, as Stenchler's ugly mug appeared on the screen, still seated at his buffet on the beach.

"Ahhh…." Stenchler grinned. "I was wondering where you two had gotten to."

"Andy told us everything. You're going down, Stenchler."

"…who's Andy?" Stenchler raised an eyebrow.

Fox sighed. "That clone of Andross you have working for you."

"Oh, I see…" Stenchler for his part didn't seem that concerned, as he picked up something behind his table and brought it into the view. It made a strange humming sound. Weird glowing lights could be seen through holes punctured in the box. "Good thing I saved this for just such an occasion."

Fox raised an eyebrow. "Uh…what's that?"

"Remember when I mentioned brain-eating fireflies at your interview?"

Fox's eyes widened. "Oh _hell_ no…"

Stenchler grinned, as he walked over to a large black tube behind the table, marked with a biohazard symbol. Opening the hatch, he dropped the crate inside and pulled a lever. The tube made a lot of hissing and smoke, followed by what sounded like a cannon shot. Meanwhile, Stenchler cackled and looked at the camera. "Bon appetit, my little mind munchers! Although I think you two won't be much of a meal, haha!"

Falco looked dumbfounded. "Why would he have a tube on the beach connected directly to the sewers?"

"Uh…Falco! _Not now_!"

Up ahead, the dark tunnel turned into what looked like a disco lights show, a kaleidoscope of colors flashing off the gray walls. The fireflies surged forward in a swarm, nearly blinding Fox with their light. He opened fire, trying to tag as many of the lights as he could. The fireflies blinked out of existence as the bullets hit, but it felt like four more appeared for every one he shot down. Soon the entire tunnel looked like a nightmarish nightclub, the rainbow of colors dazzling Fox's eyes.

The fireflies started to land on the Hole Hawg, secreting some sort of acid as they did so. The acid began to eat through anything it touched, melting the cockpit's canopy. Even worse, the fireflies figured out how to get through the cardboard covering the broken windows, and then they started whooshing around inside the cockpit, trying to land on Fox's head. Fox cried out, swatting them away with one hand while holding onto the flight stick with the other. Every time one landed on him, it secreted more of that acid, burning his fur and hands in the process. Felt like someone putting a lit match wherever that acid fell. _Oh god…oh god! Is this it? Are we done for?_

" **Cowabunga dudes**!" someone hollered over the radio.

"What the-?"

A torrent of minigun fire struck the Hole Hawg from behind. Except that wherever the minigun scored a hit, it also shot one of the fireflies right off. The bullets also thinned the herd still buzzing around in the tunnel, giving Fox and Falco enough time to kill the fireflies that got inside the Hole Hawg.

"Hey! Thanks, whoever you are!" Fox yelled, as he returned to firing his own minigun.

"No problem dudes! Just keep on flyin'!" Whoever that was, he sounded like some sort of surfer guy.

Fox switched to the rear view on the monitor, showing two new Sewer Sharks behind the Hole Hawg. Green paint and matching green neon lights adorned both of them. "Who are you guys anyway?"

Fox's monitor changed to show a turtle wearing a blue headband, seated in one of the green ships. "We're Ninja Squadron! I'm Leo, the squadron leader! Pleasure to meet you!" He gave a thumbs up, winking at the camera.

"Ghost was looking for you guys…" Falco said.

"We were just hiding out in Sector 34. We found out Stenchler's making mutants and—"

"Yeah, join the club." Fox rolled his eyes. "Glad to have your help anyway."

"Oh, it's those blasted turtles again!" Stenchler cried out over the radio.

"Keep going dudes!" Leo yelled. "We're almost to Stenchler's pad!"

Fox could see daylight straight ahead. The exit looked like nothing but blinding white. Soon the light enveloped the Hole Hawg, Fox needing a second to adjust his sight from being underground all day. Then things came into focus. He saw he was flying over an ocean bay bordering Corneria City. They'd flown out of a massive concrete sewer tube built into a sea cliff. Looking ahead, Fox spotted a forested peninsula with a huge white mansion taking up most of it.

"That's Stenchler's pad! He's over there!" Leo called out. "Just fly right for it!"

Fox grinned. This was almost over….and then the engine started to cough. Fox's face fell. "Falco?"

"Uh…yeah…" Falco looked worried, scanning the diagnostics. "Our half hour of engine power just ran out…"

"What?!"

The coughing engine sputtered, the deep blue waters below rising up to meet them. Fox kept pulling up on the stick, for all the good it did. The gunship hit the water, skipping on it like a stone. Fox held his breath, praying they wouldn't go under. They bounced across the water several more times, the beach outside the mansion approaching fast. The Hole Hawg hit the sand, as it began to skid sideways. Then it flipped over completely.

"Oh crap!" Fox cried out.

The Hole Hawg flipped over several times, tossing Fox and Falco around in their harnesses like ragdolls. What was left of the canopy shattered, spraying the two of them with broken glass. Fox felt his head getting banged into pretty much everything. Thank goodness they had helmets. _Huh, how come we never used helmets in the Arwings?_ he wondered briefly. Finally the Hole Hawg came to a halt, laying on its side in the sand. Fox needed a minute to catch his breath, considering the close encounter with death there. Hard to believe today started with what seemed like an innocent job interview…

He tried to open the cockpit, but it was sealed shut. Like it mattered though, since the glass was all gone now. Fox and Falco groaned as they climbed out of the wreckage. Disoriented, they looked around. Fox's vision came into focus before long…spotting Stenchler at his personal sea food buffet, exactly where he'd been on the monitor

"Not bad, Fox!" Stenchler laughed, as he stood up from the buffet. "I'd give that landing five stars!"

Growling, Fox reached into the weapons compartment on the Hole Hawg, pulling out the shotgun. He cocked it again.

Falco looked down at the sand. "Hey Fox you ejected another she—"

"Shut up Falco!" Fox pointed the shotgun at Stenchler. "And you! Get down on the ground now!"

Stenchler just laughed. "What? You think you're a cop now Fox?" He held up the silver briefcase he had earlier in the day. "It's not over yet. I still have this… You wanna know what I've got in here?"

"Why don't I just shoot you and let's not bother?"

"Oh come on Fox!" Stenchler shook his head while tsk tsk tsk'ing. "When does the hero shoot the villain like this?"

"For all the crap you've put us through, literally, I think I'll make an exception!" Fox pulled the trigger. _Click._ "The hell…?" Fox stared at his gun in disbelief, racking the shotgun again. No shell came out. He'd used them all up from doing so many dramatic gun cocks.

"Let me try Fox," Falco brought out his scrap-metal carbine and pulled the trigger. Then the trigger snapped off under Falco's finger, a spring popped out of the gun, the magazine slipped out, and the flashlight barrel fell off completely. The pieces dropped into the sand at Falco's feet.

Fox moved to reload the shotgun with his bandolier, but then Stenchler threw the briefcase towards the Hole Hawg. "You go boom now!"

Fox's eyes widened. For a second, it felt like time was moving in slow motion, as the case came flying right at them. "Oh _snap_!"

Fox and Falco dived for cover behind the Hole Hawg's wreckage, just as the case went 'thump' in the sand. They waited for several seconds, but nothing happened. Fox risked a peek out from behind the gunship. The briefcase popped open, confetti exploding everywhere. Several party noisemakers went off. Meanwhile, Stenchler was just a little speck in the distance now, running down the beach.

"Ohhhhh…." Fox growled, before taking off sprinting across the sand to catch up to Stenchler. "Stenchler, you are _done_ now!"

Stenchler glanced back as he ran, eyes widening when he spotted the vulpine running after him. The opossum started sprinting even harder…which wasn't that fast to begin with, considering his rotundness. His short, stumpy legs did not help, and neither did the sand. Fox sprinted so fast it looked like Stenchler was sitting still, even though the opossum huffed and puffed with all his might to get away, struggling to take more than one step per second.

As soon as Fox caught up, he placed a palm on the back of Stenchler's head, pushing forward with all of his might and using his momentum to augment that. Stenchler went flying off his feet, face planting in the sand and kicking his legs up behind him. Fox stopped running for a second, breathing hard and sweating as he looked down at the opossum. "Whooo…." Fox wiped an arm across his brow. "Damn that felt good…"

Stenchler just made a soft little whimpering noise in the sand, too exhausted to move.

"Oh come on, surely a little run wasn't that bad?"

"Yes…" Stenchler wheezed out, almost too quiet to be heard. "That was the worst thing…ever…"

Ninja Squadron's Sewer Sharks landed nearby. Four turtles jumped out, each one of them wearing a different-colored headband. Leo, their leader in the blue headband, walked over.

"Great job dude! Looks like Stenchler's out of commission!"

Leo turned to the other turtles. " **Cowabunga**!" they all screamed, doing a simultaneous high five together.

Meanwhile, Falco caught up to Fox, and then Kari's ship arrived with Kari and Ghost jumping out. Everyone gathered round the downed Stenchler, still face down in the sand. Some aerial police craft could be seen flying in from downtown, their blue and red lights flashing. They moved quickly to set up a perimeter.

"Looks like we missed all the fun," Ghost grinned, looking at Fox and Falco. "You did it, guys. You took down this slimeball for good."

"Great job both of ya'll," Kari said. "We called the cops while you flew on ahead. Looks like everything's wrapped up now."

"Thanks everyone," Fox said, grinning at the collected group. "Now…Stenchler goes downtown, Andy tells the cops everything about what his family's doing, and their corruption is stopped for good."

"That sounds great and all…" Falco started, not sounding happy and he crossed his arms. "But I think you're forgetting one thing Fox."

"What's that?"

"Well…our boss is going to jail. That means we're all out of a job now."

Fox's jaw dropped. Then he clenched it closed, along with his fists. His teeth clenched together so tight one might think they would shatter. Steam almost visibly poured out of Fox's ears. "FFFFFFFFUUUUU-"

 **THE END** :)

* * *

A/N: This fic is actually a crossover, believe it or not. The game I'm crossing over with is called Sewer Shark, and it came out in 1992 on the Sega CD, before also coming out on the Panasonic 3DO. Try typing in "Sewer Shark 3DO" on Youtube if you'd like to see a playthrough. That's probably the best way to experience Sewer Shark, actually. The game itself is way too hard and demanding, but the characters and acting are hilarious. It's a lot easier to enjoy that when you're not stressed out from playing the game. Ghost, Falco (Kari), and Stenchler are the characters in that game too, and I reinvented them as furries to help them fit the Star Fox universe. I got this idea originally from how both Sewer Shark and Star Fox coincidentally have a fighter pilot character named Falco. Plus, Sewer Shark came out just one year before the first Star Fox game too.

Like my fic for Sheppard's last one-shot contest (Just Gotta Ride) I used some real life inspiration to help me write this story too. From 2011 to late 2012, I worked in a crappy data analyst job at an auto parts chain. Even when I first got the job, I didn't feel all that happy about it even though I was working again after three and a half months of unemployment. It felt like such a huge downgrade after my last job. Most of the people there were nice, but the pay and benefits were crap and I was terrified of my boss. And it was in a warehouse in a really seedy part of town. During the winter I hardly ever saw the sun, because the warehouse had no windows and it was dark when I got off work at 5pm. Not to mention I was afraid of getting mugged walking back to my car after work. I channeled quite a few of my feelings from this time into Fox, particularly in the first chapter.

Out of all the short fics I've written, I'd say this one was the hardest. I'm just not a naturally funny person, so writing comedy is very difficult for me. I had to rewrite this fic over, and over, and over, and over, until I got the jokes about to where I wanted them to be. At times, it was like trying to wring water from rock getting this done. EDIT: Now that the first wave of reviews has come in, everybody seems to be pretty happy with the final result. I'm glad that all of my hard work was worth it :)


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